daphnerosen (daphnerosen) wrote,

Celebrity Anilingus

I was watching the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards when Lindsay Lohan made an appearance. For some WEIRD reason (do a search on Ms. Lohan and the awards if you haven't seen it already) it made me think of the art of anilingus, anal-oral contact, on America's stars. Rimjob, rusty trombone, tossing the salad, whatever you want to call it. I wondered what celebrity ass tasted like. Michelle Rodiguez probably has the best tasting ass in Hollywood if for no other reason than I love Mexican and with her DUI issues, I'd get to have a little Tequilla with my meal. Now you would think Jessica Simpson would have a mighty tasty tuckus but you'd be wrong. Why? She's obviously a cylon, a la "Battlestar Galactica," and cylons do NOT have anuses. What would normally excrete through her backside can instead be heard on her albums. Jennifer Aniston? Sure, if you like splinters since there's obviously a stick up it already. Angelina Jolie is soooooo beautiful but only from the front. Those eyes, that rack, those lips-oy vey! But her ass resembles that of an elderly man with syphillis. Shape doesn't denote taste, I know, but her steady diet of blood viles and foreign babies can't possible help.
I know this topic must gross out some but what is the difference between kissing or, hell, going all the way with the asses of celebrities and letting them dominate our news media. Friday morning I was watching "The Today Show" (an alleged news program) and do you know what the lead story was-Bush leaking the name of a CIA agent after 2 years of telling us that he'd punish the leaker? NO. Was it status of an immigration bill that would determine who would be doing my landscaping? NO. Their lead story was about how a judge cleared the author of the book "The DaVinci Code" of plagurism. Wow, thanks, the book my mom read with her bridge buddies is the most important story in the world (I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that NBC-owned Universal has a movie coming out soon based on the tome).
It's not only that, it's the fact that the OJ verdict was our generation's "where were you?" moment or that I know that Gwenyth Paltrow named her baby Apple or how your local news spends more time on "American Idol" than America's struggles. This is all a part of what is called the Military Industrial Infotainment Media Complex designed for you to keep your eye on the shiny object and NOT the ball. First they make you stupid, then they make you scared and then they make you do whatever they want. So stop licking stars' asses because in the end, all your get is really bad breath (unless it's a pornstar...lol).
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